As All Hallows Eve approaches, something mingles with the stench of your sin throughout the Outpost. It is the smell of fear. Fear, and that shawarma kebab from Abdul’s that Stark had last night after drinking his own bodyweight in gin. It permeates the Outpost.

We must therefore cleanse both our souls and his bowels to rid ourselves of this demonic emenation. So once again it falls to me, the most reverend Reverend, to take your confession. The doors of the Last Movie Outpost Confession Booth have been spread wide. I haven’t felt a sense of dread like this since trying to cross the Sudanese border with a bus full of underage prostitutes and forged papers my last bout of missionary work on Haiti.


This Halloween you may feast on candy, but something must feast on your sin. The Goddess Gal Gadot is hungry to taste your wickedness and she has a most magnificent appetite. You could literally cover her in your sin. She will grow strong from receiving the filth from your soul. She is prepared… are you?


Today’s confession is Halloween-themed, and to unburden yourself you must simply answer this one question:

Which movie has truly, properly scared you?

A jump scare, a psychological trauma, an inability to sleep in the dark, or walk in the woods alone. Which movie left its mark on both you, and your underwear? The time of your confession is at hand. The Goddess is ready, and the booth is open. You must confess… CONFESS!


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