ABC Goes Unscripted

ABC has broken the WGA strike by simply removing writers from the equation altogether. How are they doing this? How do you make an entire season strike-proof? You basically gather a load of morons, unspeakable narcissists, egotists, and other truly terrible, galactically stupid people together and point a camera at them while they act like complete tools.

That’s right, valued Outposters, ABC is going all reality shows, all the time. The world needs another Snooki, obviously.

The historical records can pinpoint the exact moment that Western civilization began to collapse.
(Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

The new ABC slate is almost entirely made up of reality shows, dating competition shows, or game shows. All of these are outside the remit of the writer’s strike. The gaps will be filled with re-runs, so this is your chance to catch-up on any Abbott Elementary you may have missed, in between throwing things at the TV and weeping for the future of humanity.

You want shit? ABC has got shit! On Monday it will be two whole hours worth of Dancing With the Stars, followed by The Bachelor spin-off series The Golden Bachelor, which involves elder abuse by featuring contestants in their retirement years. But wait… there’s more!  Tuesdays will be Celebrity Jeopardy! and then Bachelor in Paradise. Wednesdays are Judge Steve Harvey and the hidden camera series What Would You Do?

Thursday night is gameshow night with Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, Press Your Luck, and The $100,000 Pyramid. Friday brings you Shark Tank and 20/20. College Football dominates Saturdays, with America’s Funniest Home Videos on Sundays.

You know, fifteen years ago, before the new Golden Age of TV really got going, the entire world used to point and laugh at American television which was world-famous for its abject awfulness. Typing up that line-up makes me kind of nostalgic. It also reminds you why network television is deservedly dying on its ass, because I am not sure any number of episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, The Rookie, or The Good Doctor would really do anything to lift it. This is the stuff your grandparents are watching. Is it any wonder they are waiting for death?


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