The other day I was talking to some friends and we got onto the subject of AI and where it has gone already. Naturally it ended up with me saying some day we’ll have AI women with OnlyFans accounts, but that’s neither here nor there. I got to thinking of a discussion I had with Eggy and Boba Phil about Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. So, I came up with the idea to ask ChatGPT to write a retro review of the movie, out of curiosity. Here’s what it came up with…
Director Zack Snyder’s Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice has all the ingredients for an epic clash between two iconic superheroes, but it ultimately falls flat in its execution. Clocking in at a mind-numbing two-and-a-half hours, this bloated film suffers from an acute case of self-importance, making it a painful exercise in endurance for even the most die-hard superhero fans.
The fundamental flaw of Batman V Superman lies in its inability to focus on the titular characters. Instead of a thrilling exploration of their rivalry and eventual reconciliation, we are subjected to a seemingly interminable parade of Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne. Their alter egos dominate the narrative, leaving us longing for the very heroes we came to see. Superman and Batman are reduced to mere cameos in their own movie, overshadowed by endless sequences of their mundane lives.
To add insult to injury, the inclusion of Wonder Woman feels forced and contrived. Her presence seems to serve as nothing more than a desperate attempt to set up future films within the DC Extended Universe (DCEU). As a result, the character lacks depth and purpose, merely existing to participate in the final, chaotic battle that feels tacked on and devoid of any genuine emotional stakes.
One would expect the introduction of Doomsday, a formidable villain from the comic book lore, to inject some much-needed excitement into the proceedings. Unfortunately, he’s nothing more than an afterthought, a poorly developed CGI creation that lacks any real menace or impact. He is a forgettable and uninspired addition to the already convoluted plot.
Perhaps the most egregious misstep is the casting of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. Eisenberg’s portrayal is an absolute miscast, turning the iconic villain into an annoying caricature. His over-the-top mannerisms and incessant ramblings make it impossible to take him seriously as a formidable opponent to our heroes. Instead of a menacing presence, we are left with a petulant and irritating figure that undermines the gravity of the story.
Visually, Batman V Superman is a dark and brooding film, which aligns with Snyder’s signature style. However, the relentless gloominess becomes oppressive, further contributing to the movie’s tedious and monotonous nature. The action sequences, while occasionally impressive, are too few and far between, failing to make up for the ponderous pacing and lackluster character development.
In conclusion, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice is an unwieldy and overlong mess of a film. Its misguided focus on Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, coupled with the marginalization of Superman and Batman, leaves the audience feeling cheated. The forced inclusion of Wonder Woman, the forgettable Doomsday, and the miscasting of Lex Luthor only compound the movie’s problems. Director Zack Snyder had an opportunity to create a memorable clash between two legendary heroes, but instead delivered an interminable borefest that tests the patience of even the most ardent comic book enthusiasts.
So there you have it, I concur with this AI review. I can’t wait to bow before the oppressive robot overlords that will soon take over and use us for nothing more than batteries and any slave work they deem too petty for themselves.
If you’re wondering what exactly I asked for the AI to write, it was:
“Write a scathing review of Batman V Superman. About how it’s too long and boring; There wasn’t enough Superman and Batman, too much Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, Wonder Woman was shoe horned in and Doomsday was a forgettable after thought. Also Lex Luthor was horribly miscast. In the style of Roger Ebert.”
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