MADAME WEB Early Reactions

Madame Web had its premier last night and the early reactions are as we expected.

Like a cunning spider, I lured you here with that main image and trapped you in my web of deceit, but you’re here now so you may as well stay.

Madame Web‘s early reactions are the typical types of reviews we’ve come to expect for a lazy Hollywood studio with their latest big-budget cape-shit movie. On one side of the fence, you have those who wax lyrical by using all the cliche buzzwords such as “strong female characters”, “great pacing”, and “it made me cry”. And then you have others who tell the truth.

Reading between the lines from the usual online shills, it’s clear to see that Madame Web is a gargantuan turd sandwich. You see, the shills have learned to play the game by distracting you from the movie itself. To not reveal their true feelings about a movie in abject fear of losing the studio goodie bag, or having their precious X accounts inundated with screaming adolescent teenagers and soyjaks, the shills focus on what the stars were wearing at the premiere.

Or if you are one of thefew who have no interest in Sydney Sweeney’s magnificence, or are one of the mentally ill who can’t decide which of the 37 genders they tell you are available, the shills change tactic. They will desperately attempt to explain (shoehorn) how Tom Holland’s Spider-Man can work in the sequel. Or even better for the virtue signallers who want a plate of race mixed in with their slop, how Miles Morales can be introduced in the next Sony disaster. But take note Outposters, none of them talk about Madame Web.

“What do you mean you don’t like this movie, but we’re four strong women characters?!”

Who Are You Wearing?

Ha! Yeah, I know, the irony but let’s get to the best bit. Let’s have a look at what Syndey Sweeney and Dakota Johnson wore last night because…damn! Let’s be honest, if men were just interested in “strong powerful women”, why did Madame Web‘s two biggest stars need to dress so provocatively to get men’s attention for their movie?

Anyway, once you have picked your eyes up off the floor, we’ll get to the reviews. But let’s all cheer ourselves up first.

The Shills

I can’t be bothered to go into too much detail about these “good” reviews. All I will say is that the X bio of these people or their posts all have one of the following:

Pronouns in their bio
Images of anime girls who look about 9 years old
Sonic The Hedgehog memes
Furries
Free Palestine posts

What an interesting spiral icon you have next to your profile picture, TCU. If you know, you know.

The Truth Tellers

And now for those like us, who obviously value truth over goodiebags.

A Web of Lies

So there you have it Outposters. Madame Web is yet another nail in the CBM coffin. Surely there can’t be many nails left to hammer into this rotting corpse. And if Sydney Sweeney’s heroism cannot drag men to the theatre to see this, then nothing will.

One last look before I go…. mag-fucking-nificent!

Eggy. Out.