Male misery at the movie theater is confirmed for the coming weeks, as the world’s most overrated musical lands in adapted, live-action form, and the women in your lives are going out in Barbie numbers to see it. Do you know what that means guys? There is a very real danger that some of you will be forced to see Wicked.
We won’t. We are washing our hair that night. The rest of you though? You might be fucked. Proper fucked.
Tickets went on sale for the Universal Pictures adaption of every wine mom and cat lady’s perfect Saturday night. Unfortunately the musical tale of no accountability is doing big, big numbers.
A breathless report from Fandango says Wicked, the first of two parts (God help you!), has had the second-best year-to-date pre-sales of any movie other than Deadpool & Wolverine. That was a massive winner for the year with a big opening weekend and an eye-watering global haul.
The report says Wicked is the best-selling PG-rated seller of 2024 on first-day sales and the #3 of all time.
This puts Wicked in line for a $100 million opening weekend.
It opens against Gladiator II, which is where we will all be. Smoking fine cigars and supping even finer single malt whiskey in the screen next door, as our Dolby sound system drowns out your screams of pain. To our fallen brothers, we salute you!
November 22nd is the day. If you hurry, you still have time to get a divorce.