Here in the UK, we are hours away from welcoming in 2024 – woohoo! Another year of working our arse off to pay taxes just for those who don’t pay them to benefit from whilst calling me a transphobic nazi. Anyway, I’m watching the clock so I can start drinking before the in-laws arrive, and I thought what about movies coming out in 2024 and…
10. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
I know what you are saying – why are we getting Mad Maxette and not Max himself? Well, you misogynistic bigots, it’s because it’s Hollywood and they don’t give us what we want. Regardless, I loved Mad Max: Fury Road, and this actually looks like it could be kind of awesome. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga is released in May.
9. Civil War
We recently covered Civil War here, and even though deep down I know it’s probably going to be MAGA-Nazis and white people bad, I cannot help but get excited by Garland’s new movie.
He has a great track record, having written and directed Ex Machina, and Annihilation, as well as writing 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Sunshine, and Dredd so until the inevitable unfolds, I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of an American Kirsten Dunst is in April.
8. A Quiet Place: Day One
For some reason, A Quiet Place doesn’t get much love but I think both films have been great so far. OK, I admit having a baby in a world where aliens “see” via noise is some real stupid shit but it’s a plot device that is designed to keep you on the edge of your seat and it works. I also have a soft spot for Emily Blunt so winner, winner and all that. A Quiet Place: Day One is released in June.
7. The Bikeriders
Elvis, Bane, General Zod, and Daryl from The Walking Dead, on motorbikes, smoking cigarettes and fighting rival gangs. Seriously, what’s not to like? This looks like a real man’s film and I miss those, so take my money and get on with it!
DickBikeriders is out in June.
6. Joker: Folie a Deux
Now, I’m looking forward to this unnecessary sequel but with trepidation. I can’t see how a sequel will work, especially without a Batman, and talk of it being a musical is also baffling. However, let’s not lie, my curiosity is piqued and if it turns out to be shit, then I got what I fucking deserved! Joker: Folie a Deux is out in October.
5. Gladiator 2
Here we go, everyone’s favourite director, Ridley Scott is back. And like Joker 2, this is a sequel that isn’t needed but like a moth to a flame, I will be watching.
Gladiator is a perfect movie and a lot of that is down to the performance by Russell Crowe. That’s going to be hard for Paul Mescal to match but he’s surrounded by the likes of Denzel Washington, Pedro Pascal, Barry Keoghan, and… Matt Lucas (WTF?). The big question is are we going to get Gladiator Ridley Scott, or Napoleon Ridley Scott? Gladiator 2 is out in November.
4. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
Who ya gonna call? Not the Girly Ghostbusters that’s for sure. Ghostbusters 4 looks like it has all the old magic of its predecessors, and yes, I am including Afterlife in that. Seriously what’s not to like about this franchise? Cats will be living with dogs again in March.
3. Mickey 17
Something original from Hollywood that isn’t a sequel, prequel, reimagining, or whatever other fancy words they want to throw at it. What parallel universe is this?!
Robert Pattinson (who always picks interesting roles) stars as an “expendable” – a disposable crew member on a space mission, selected for dangerous tasks because he can be renewed if his body dies, with his memories largely intact. With one regeneration, though, things go very wrong.
Directed by Bong Joon-ho of Parasite fame the film also stars Steven Yeun, Toni Collette and… Mark Ruffalo… damn it! Mickey 17 is out in March.
3. Alien: Romulus
I know, I know, another effing Alien film! But I’m a sucker for this franchise and I type this with a huge sigh and an element of self-disgust, I can’t help myself.
Not much is known about Alien: Romulus apart from the fact it’s set between Alien and Aliens. It was originally supposed to be following Prey onto Hulu and Disney+. but after viewing early footage, 20th Century Studios switched it up to a theatrical release. That’s good right, tell me that’s good! Alien: Romulus flaps its face hunger shlong onto our faces in August.
2. Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes
Another franchise that has been done to death but again, I love it! Picking up 300 years after War, we follow the story of a young ape who goes on a journey that will lead him to question everything he’s been taught about the past and make choices that will define a future for apes and humans alike. He sure sounds like a conspiracy theorist to me!
You’ll be able to get your stinking paws on Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes in May.
1. Dune: Part Two
This has to be at the top of everyone’s wish list right? Right? Come on, Elvis vs Willy Wonka. Thanos vs Drax. Ethan Hunt’s bird vs James Bond’s bird. Who can’t be excited for this?!
That’s it. I’m all listed out and beer is calling me. What movies are you looking forward to in 2024, Fall Guy, Roadhouse, Bad Boys 29, or any capeshit? Let me know and if I don’t venture back before I lose the will to live seeing out 2023, Happy New Year you magnificent bastards!
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