Spring is in the air, and as we emerge from the harsh depths of winter (or the burning furnace of summer, if you live upside down below the equator), so the warmer weather and the fresh air girds us once more for SINNING! You filthy sinners simply cannot help yourselves. The sun has been out for ten minutes and there you all are, sinning away. Some of you are sinning the moment our backs are turned.
The last time I saw sin of this magnitude, I was the pastor for a team of Mexican coyotes bringing Chinese fentanyl across the Southern Border administering important missionary work among the poor, helpless refugee souls who only wanted the chance of a new life in America.
So once more, it falls to me, the most reverend Reverend, to fight against the forces of darkness and save your souls from an eternity of suffering, simply because you couldn’t stop doing that.
You know who also likes the approach of summer? The Goddess, Gal Gadot. For in her glorious holiness, she does all her best work in the fewest clothes. Lo…
She is in her action bikini, ready to receive your sin. The Confession Booth is spread wide open. Let us begin the confessional.
Today’s confession takes stock of your cowardice. Your weakness which keeps you away from entertainment consumption. We want to delve into your deepest and darkest fears. We want to know:
Which famous (or infamous) movies are you simply too scared, or repulsed by the idea of them, to watch?
Is there a legendary entry in the Italian splatter genre that you know you simply could not stomach? Does the very thought of watching A Serbian Film bring you out in hives? When you see The Human Centipede come up in your feed, do you get a strange taste in your mouth and hurriedly switch to Disney+ ?
Save your cinematic souls. You must confess. CONFESS!
