We are sure that Nicki Minaj would have plenty to say about a soft anaconda. And that, kids, is about as up-to-the-minute and current as I get with the hippity-hoppity genre. Back to more comfortable and familiar ground – movies!
If you were planning on heading out to the movies on Christmas day to see Anaconda, you might now change your plans and decide to just stay in and post nonsense online with your fellow Outposters on our Christmas Day threads – coming soon to Last Movie Outpost.
Why? Because the reviews are in, and the results aren’t where Jack Black and Paul Rubb would want them to be. It seems that Meta isn’t a saviour, this festive period. The giant snake reboot/remake is at just 46% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 44/100 on Metacritic.
It follows two best friends who decide to remake the original Anaconda themselves and head deep into the Amazon to start filming. Then things start to go very wrong indeed.
Here is what the summary pages tell us:
“It’s kind of tragic that only way Hollywood will make a comedy these days is by awkwardly shoehorning some IP into it.”
Matt Singer, Screencrush
“Anaconda can’t be accused of skimping on excitement when the characters spend half the movie racing through the jungle in cars or on foot or by boat. But the weightless and unimaginative action feels less cinematic than theme park-y.”
Angie Han, THR
“Gormican fails to capitalise on the surprise, ultimately succumbing to the worst tendencies of reboots rather than viciously or lovingly sending them up.”
Tim Grierson, Screen
“Delivers moments of real terror in a smart comedy that deserves to be a bigger success than the original.”
Bob Strauss, San Francisco Chronicle
“The jokes practically write themselves, which is why it’s surprising that there aren’t more of them.”
Peter DeBruge, Variety
“Anaconda is too grown-up to work for the Jumanji set but not grown-up enough to actually explore these disappointments and deferred dreams.”
Alison Wilmore, Vulture
“This new ‘Anaconda’ is so busy talking about how silly it is to make a new ‘Anaconda’ that it never actually makes a good ‘Anaconda.’”
William Bibbiani, The Wrap
“This self-reflexive Hollywood sendup is so slapdash and unsure of itself that it ultimately feels less like a bad in-joke than a case of a snake eating its own tail.”
David Ehrlich, IndieWire
Ahhh well. Let’s just stay at home and drink heavily instead.
