A trip to a Disney theme park was always a “dream come true” type experience for a kid, or even a certain kind of adult. It was also always expensive. That didn’t matter though, because even if you had to save, it was just about affordable.
Being at the top end of the price bracket also didn’t matter too much because once you got there it was absolutely clear you were getting a premium product. You were paying luxury prices for a luxury experience. Sure, it was rare for people to go every year, particularly if you lived overseas and had flights to consider, but you could still go. Maybe only once or twice in your lifetime, but you could still go.
It was also quite an egalitarian experience. Once you had paid out your $$$, then you had as much right as anyone else to enjoy the happiest place on Earth. You joined the lines and took your chances. Hyper-prepared people had their Disney battle plan and route all mapped out, but it was still a shared experience.
Then they figured out how to make more money. Look, I am generally as capitalist as they come, but in the last couple of decades, Disneyland and Walt Disney World seem to have undergone a change that is most definitely not for the better.
Fast Pass used to be included in every Disney ticket. Whether you were a resort guest, an annual pass holder, or a normal paying guest, Fast Passes were just there. You made an advanced “reservation” for a ride, allowing everyone to plan their day more effectively.
It started the slide, however. Suddenly a trip to Disney started to feel like a military operation. A regimented series of appointments rather than a leisure experience.
Then things got worse. The advent of smartphones led to the tyranny of the Genie app. From there it was just a hop, skip, and a global pandemic that led Disney to the Lightning Lane. The horror! The horror!
This was a premium service that basically meant you could skip the lines as long as you paid the extra. You paid your way to the front of the line. In the process, while this made Disney $700 million for the parks and experiences division, it also eroded the value of the standard Dieny ticket. Did they drop the prices of these? No, they went up steadily as well.
Many theme park observers and Disney fans believe this is all contributing to the recent record-low attendance seen at Orlando’s Walt Disney World. In fact, according to That Park Place, Disney attendance has been dropping for eight straight months.
The egalitarian nature of a day at Disney was gone. Now, if you were a bit more flash, you could simply waft the park, about lording it over the peasants and their queues. It just doesn’t feel very Disney.
So if this is damaging the experience, and runs contrary to the brand, while pushing down theme park attendance, what should Disney do? How about introducing a new Lightning Lane Premier Pass that costs $400 per person per day! This basically gets you to the front of the queue on every ride in the park… once. Remember, you need this on top of your regular Disney ticket. A quick internet search tells me that:
“A single-day ticket to Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida can cost between $118 and $124 for children and adults.”
Jesus tittyfucking Christ spawn of Uncle Walt, just what the hell are you fuckos playing at?
Well, there is one potential answer. Recently, Disney historian Joshua L. Harris tested Disney’s posted wait times against the actual time he waited in the standby queue for the rides, and the results were shocking. On some rides, he tested versus the announced wait times on the digital systems, the times shown were inflated by up to 300%.
Inflating wait times to upsell premier, queue-jumping tickets?
Nah… surely not even modern Disney would sink that low… right?