STAR WARS OUTLAWS Trailer

Another day, another Star Wars product to consume. Ubisoft has debuted the first trailer for their upcoming Star Wars Outlaws, which is being touted as the franchise’s first open-world game. Like all Star Wars products these days, it looks good on the surface but like an onion, once we get into it and start peeling back the layers, it will inevitably bring tears to the eyes of real Star Wars fans.

Stunning And Brave

As the official game synopsis reads:

Experience the first-ever open-world Star Wars game, set between the events of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Explore distinct planets across the galaxy, both iconic and new. Risk it all as Kay Vess, an emerging scoundrel seeking freedom and the means to start a new life, along with her companion Nix. Fight, steal, and outwit your way through the galaxy’s crime syndicates as you join the galaxy’s most wanted.

So there you have it, the Force is still desperately trying to be female and failing miserably. Star Wars Outlaws‘ protagonist is Kay Vess – “an emerging scoundrel seeking freedom and the means to start a new life” – so basically she’s a girly Han Solo. Awesome.

Isn’t it amusing that all these franchises harp on about how bad men are, and yet they continue to make all their strong, independent women act like men?

‘Memberberries

As with the case of this once glorious franchise, the people in charge continue to desperately erase everything that made it great, whilst also harvesting acres of vineyards full of ‘memberberries to entice the audience back for another helping. You’ll see they’ve wheeled out Han Solo – who is currently frozen in carbonite – alongside Jabba the Hutt, the Rancor, the card game Sabacc, blah, blah, blah.

I’ll be honest, this game looks amazing, but I am so done with this franchise that I just can’t get excited about anything Star Wars until Kennedy is gone and it’s back in the hands of people who love it. To sum up, for me, Star Wars is like Amber Heard, it looks great, and has all the potential to rock your world, but will ultimately shit the bed.

Star Wars Outlaws is set to launch on Xbox Series X/S, PlayStation 5, and PC in 2024.