Thanks to Sidney Sweeney’s American Eagle ad, the term “beautiful” is getting a much-needed course correction. For too long it has been hijacked and diluted to the point of being rendered meaningless. We, at The Last Movie Outpost, believe proper definitions of words are important for objective communication. That way everyone can understand us when we mock movies.
Let us define “beautiful” once and for all.
The Proper Usage Of Beautiful
“Beautiful” should really only be used in three instances.
- Women with elite looks (we are talking “10s” here).
- Husbands describing their wives (or daughters, especially if said daughters are dressed up for their first formal dance).
- Sunsets.
Personally, I don’t like using “beautiful” for sunsets. It’s “gay,” but that is another term that requires a whole ‘nother article to properly define.
Now then, Sydney Sweeney is not actually “beautiful.” She is more of an 8-9 in the scoring system than a 10, which puts her in the “hot” category. To be specific: the 8-9 zone is the “hot” category.
The term “beautiful” is reserved for someone like Grace Kelly. She exhibits the classic traits of a “10″, which include an effortless, pardon the pun — grace — in regard to her overall form gestalt being.
The Rest Of The Scale
The 6-7 range is the sweet spot. Everyone likes girls who score 6-7. Men like 6-7 girls, other women don’t hate 6-7 girls because they are too good looking, and Communists don’t believe 6-7 girls are hoarding looks.
The 0-5 range is where things grow murky. A 5 can easily be a 0, and a 0 can easily be a 5 based on numerous variables: personality, politics and other attributes. It does not pay to fully explain the 0-5 range. It is a mysterious zone that men intuitively understand and navigate with ease because of their honeycomb brains. Meanwhile, women are built to different specifications when it comes to assimilating these concepts.
This is why when women update their profile picture, they are bombarded by friends commenting “SO HOT!” This creates a problem because formerly “nice” girls now think they are “hot,” which often evolves into “crazy.” And who wants to function in a world without “nice” girls? Not me. “Nice” girls bring people cookies for no reason. Getting “beautiful” properly defined is a way to get the “nice” girls back into circulation.
Furthermore, 1-10 women are all in play with men. Men really only avoid the 0s, and 0s are somewhat rare. I only know one 0, and her score is based on a weirdness component. She is not “quirky, fun” weird. She is, like, “celebrity” weird.
Look In The Mirror, Dude
Since I am so cavalier about reducing looks down to a numbering system, some might demand that I rate myself.
Sorry. I am exempt from the numbering system because I’m “tall.” Honestly, I don’t think any girl knows what I actually look like. My face is just a blurred visage on top of a flagpole to them.
And there you have it. This lesson brought to you by The Last Movie Outpost Education Department. Use your knowledge only for good…
