There’s gold in them thar valuable DVDs!
As physical media starts to go the way of the dodo bird, the collector’s market for certain titles creeps up. The value is not yet rivaling bitcoin, but in a few more years, governments will likely base their entire financial systems on obscure DVDs. It is inevitable.
According to this article from Yahoo Finance, these are a smattering of the most valuable DVDs. Check your collection. If you possess these titles, you may very well be on your way to owning a solid gold rocket car and an original Green Hornet decoder ring.
The Apprentice Complete First Season: $170 (£131)
It is no mystery why this one appears on the list. Sure, liberal white women complain incessantly about Trump during the day, but by night they curl up on their couches with their salads and cats and look for more reasons to whinge about Trump by watching his early efforts at inserting himself into the media playground.
And by “salads” I mean, “bowls of cookie dough,” and by “cats,” I mean, “hairy rolls of fat” and by “look for more reasons to whinge about Trump,” I mean, “fantasize about being dominated by a real man.”
The Flim-Flam Man Twilight Time Limited Edition: $175 (£135)
This 1967 film features George C. Scott as an aging con man. Coincidentally enough, I recently reviewed two GCS films: Rage and The Savage is Loose.
Pulp Fiction Collector’s Briefcase: $195 (£150)
Now we know what is in the briefcase: a super valuable DVD that will no doubt gain you entrance into the Citadel when the world is fire and blood. That is even better than Marsellus Wallace’s soul!
Alakazam the Great: $200 (£155)
This is an early anime film, so it probably doesn’t even have Hentai in it.
Then again, Hentai first appeared in animation in the 1932 film Suzumi-bune, which was seized by police when it was half complete.
I don’t really want to go any further down this tentacled rabbit hole…
Trolls – The Beat Goes On! Seasons 5-8: $200 (£155)
This is a four-disc set that contains seasons five to eight of the animated series, Trolls.
Which is more annoying, Trolls or Smurfs? Probably Trolls. Then again, Smurfs are always “smurfing” it up. I would happily feed either of them to kittens.
The Exorcist 50th Anniversary Deluxe Edition: $250 (£192)
This version of The Exorcist was limited to 2,000 copies and came in a Bible-like, leather-grain case, with a few extra goodies like a poster and lobby cards.
They should have included a can of pea soup for the completists.
The Wicker Man Wooden Box Limited Edition: $291 (£225)
I owned this at one time, and I am not sure what happened to it. I may have given it to someone. If I could remember who, I would certainly track them down like the newspaper kid in Better Off Dead and demand it back.
With $291 in my pocket, I could buy almost two copies of the first season of The Apprentice!
Sonic the Hedgehog: $350 (£270)
This is a two-part Japanese film from 1999, not the 2020 version with Jim Carrey. And if it doesn’t have Carrey dancing to Galvanize, how valuable can it really be?
Blade Runner Ultimate Collector’s Edition Briefcase: $388 (£300)
So many versions of Blade Runner have come out at this point that I am not sure how any of them can be valuable. On my way from the bedroom to the bathroom this morning, I tripped over a version of Blade Runner. I ran over another version of Blade Runner on my way to work. I almost choked on a version of Blade Runner that was in my morning absinthe. The “S” on my keyboard stopped working. I pried it up. Sure enough, a copy of Blade Runner had gotten in there and jammed up the works…
Walt Disney Treasures – The Chronological Donald Volume 4: $425 (£328)
I believe this one is in my collection. I made a point of collecting some of the old Looney Tunes and Donald Duck shorts a while back. Donald Duck always was my favorite. Got to love those fits of rage…
Futurama – The Complete Collection 1999-2009: $450+ (£348+)
Like the number of versions of Blade Runner, I am no longer sure how many seasons of Futurama exist. It has been resurrected so many times I’ve lost count.
I was a big fan of the original run and have all those seasons on DVD, though.
Star Trek Voyager Borg Cube Box Set: $500 (£386)
Only 500 copies of this exist. What is the over/under for how many DrunkenYoda owns? Probably at least 300, right?
Disney Pixar Ultimate Movie Collection: $600 (£464)
This box set includes eight Pixar movies. Pixar also did a version of Blade Runner, right?
Disney Classics Complete 1937-2018 Movie Collection: $600 (£463)
This is a completely unnecessary collection. Why would we want all of the original Disney movies when the live-action remakes are so much better?
The Real Ghostbusters Complete Collection: $940 (£726)
Wow, Generation X must have really liked this show. This makes sense, as Generation X seems to have the hardest time getting over their childhood. Probably because it was so awesome!
I remember watching The Animated Ghostbusters on a 13-inch black and white TV that had the broken antenna held together by a red pipe cleaner.
The Grundel episode was my favorite.
AK 100 – 25 Films By Akira Kurosawa: $850 (£656)
What else can you say about this Criterion Collection but, “Like Kurosawa, I make mad films, ‘kay, I don’t make films, but if I did, they’d have a samurai…”
Neon Genesis Evangelion Platinum Complete Collection: $1,000+ (£773+)
When it comes to valuable DVDs, I confess, I have no idea what any anime titles mean. When I hear this title, I think of an evangelical reading the Book of Genesis under neon lights.
Am I close?
Bruce Lee Spectrum Collection Limited Edition: $1,000 (£773)
I didn’t even know Bruce Lee was on the spectrum. I guess we learn something new every day…
Unsolved Mysteries – The Ultimate Collection: $1,020 (£788)
This one is a mystery to me. I didn’t realize Unsolved Mysteries had such a large fan base. Nor did I realize the show had any re-watchability.
I mean, you already know they won’t solve the mystery.
Hmm…did J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof write this series?
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers – Legacy Collection: $1,140 (£881)
This set contains 96 DVDs. It contains all 767 episodes of the show. If you watched continuously, you could basically watch Power Rangers for 950 some days straight.
Sounds like a dare to me…
Wings 1971-73 Super Deluxe Box Set: $1,435 (£1,110)
Relax, this is about the Beatles who sang Hey Jude, not the TV series starring Tim Daly and Steven Weber.
Dragon Ball Z Dragon Box Volumes 1-7: $1,700 (£1,315)
Again, anime titles… I’m guessing this one is about a ball with a “Z” on it. I’m not sure how to fit the “dragon” into it, though. Maybe a dragon plays with the ball?
Essential Art House – 50 years of Janus Films: $1,900 (£1,468)
Janus Films was a US distributor that introduced American audiences to a plethora of international art house movies. This set includes 50 films. I scrolled through the list. It includes a good number of recognizable titles.
Is it really “art house” if people have heard of it?
Walt Disney Treasures Premium Collection: $2,000 (£1,545)
A 57-disc set. Again, completely unnecessary. We’ve got live-action remakes, people! Throw these old fuddy-duddy movies on the fire!
BTS Season’s Greetings: $2,075 (£1,604)
Apparently, this is a K-POP title. That seems like as good a way as any to leave this article. Let’s go out with the soothing sounds of sexually non-threatening K-POP stars…