Tower of the Drunken Dragons is a chop-socky movie from 1980. Mostly likely, you know it as Gu qiang, due to your mastery of language and the art of love.
This movie stuck in my brain longer than popcorn hulls in my teeth. The USA Network used to have a thing called Kung Fu Theater that ran on Sunday afternoons. That’s how I saw this movie and never forgot it.
Thanks to the power of the Internet, I can now rewatch this flick and see if it was worth remembering… or at least exorcise from my brain.
Tower of the Drunken Dragons
What made Tower of the Drunken Dragons memorable is the premise is the game of King of the Mountain…but on a tower. The game goes until the members of one team are laying at the base of the tower, either broken or dead.
And get this… the ladders of the tower have swords for rungs, cutting edges up, of course…
The movie starts with one such game ending as the final member of the hero team gets beaten up and tossed off the tower by the villain team. In this case, the villains are Japanese occupying Taiwan in 1874. The heroes are the natives.
Ultimately, the contest is a dastardly plot by the Japanese to eliminate the top fighters of the region and rule the land without any danger of an uprising.
The Two Towers of the Drunken Dragons
The leader of the hero team has gray hair. Call him Mr. Gray. Obviously, he exists to die, so he can be avenged by his son, who is called Big Brother. Yet, Big Brother is not the true hero. The true hero is the adopted son of the fighter killed in the beginning. He joins Mr. Gray’s team, so he can avenge his stepfather.
His name is Chen.
Chen is not a master kung-fu practitioner, however. He is so bad he is forced to do the team’s laundry rather than train. Fortunately, all the washing and wringing of clothes powers up Chen’s kung-fu powers to unmatched heights.
Other throwaway hero-team characters mill about in the background. One is a short man (not technically a dwarf), who is comedy relief. He sneezes on people and flounders about in manner reminiscent of Jar Jar Binks.
One hopes he throws himself off the tower…
A girl who looks like Chun-Li from Streetfighter parades about to develop a bit of a love triangle between Big Brother and Chen. She has curled sideburns. The look would have worked well on a Star Trek movie.
Meanwhile, the leader of the villain team has white streaks in his hair. Call him Skunk. He is controlled by two Japanese enforcers who have Hitler moustaches. Pretty much every Japanese person in this film has a Hitler moustache.
Skunk has an underling sycophant who wears a newsboy cap. He also provides comedy relief…poorly. Finally, an Asian Conan is brought in as a ringer for the villain team.
The Towering Inferno of Drunken Dragons
Alas, a rewatch is more about exorcising than rediscovering a hidden gem. On paper, Tower of the Drunken Dragon has some things going for it. The characterization is surprisingly deep, in that numerous characters have a journey.
Chen goes from a nobody to a hero. Big Brother goes from the apparent hero, to a drunk and back to hero. Mr. Gray takes time to divorce his wife as he journeys from a leader to a martyr because he realizes it will help keep her safe.
Skunk starts out as a one-dimensional villain, but the story shows he is being used by the invaders. He is given a chance to redeem himself, but he rejects it.
Plus, one can’t go wrong with the concept itself. Contests in martial arts films are a tried-and-true formula. To make it a game of King of the Mountain on a tower rather than a tournament is a good approach to keep things engaging.
What holds Tower of the Drunken Dragons back is simply a lack of fighting. It bogs down in human drama and humor as broad as Rihanna’s forehead. The tower is only featured in two short sequences before the finale. The rest of the film is soap opera all the way.
The Dark Tower of the Drunken Dragons
Dodgy kung-fu flicks have a degree of inherent charm. They can’t help it. Their film stock gives them a look that projects a lot of soul from the screen. They almost feel like home movies one finds buried and forgotten in an abandoned house. It is a derelict location, but the scratchy, poppy audio films prove vibrant life once existed there.
The fight scenes, yelling and sound effects add another layer of magic. Throw in simple stories that are easy to follow in their basic good guys vs. bad guys layout, and they make for a relaxing watching experience.
I especially enjoy the trademark kung-fu bad guy laugh. In the case of Tower of the Drunken Dragons, Skunk has his ha-ha-ha down pat. The training montages of Chen are fun. The score is lively, as well. In fact, I am almost certain Tower of the Drunken Dragons borrowed some music from Thunderball and Live and Let Die.
Yet, in the end, the kung fu of Tower of the Drunken Dragons is not powerful enough. It tries to be more kung-fun than kung-fu. That does not honor its ancestors…
