Oh dear Lord, make it stop! No. Please no, for the love of God let A Minecraft Movie be over. Please, I will do anything, just MAKE IT STOP!

Actually, now I think about it, one star purely for Jason Momoa who is having a good time and trying his hardest to make sure you are too. Another half-star for a scene that involves Jack Black riding Momoa and a joke about using your hips to steer, culminating in a “man sandwich” gag that was actually pretty good slapstick.

Another half-star for Jennifer Coolidge being Jennifer Coolidge to the very best of her ability.

Another half-star for a gag about a hot air balloon fireball tentacle that made all the dads in the theater belly laugh. Probably another half-star for a completely unexpected Matt Berry cameo.

There is also a nice call back to somebody who sadly passed away but was, according to the internet, a Minecraft legend. If you know, you’ll know.

Also, always good to see Jemaine Clement (Flight Of The Conchords) who does a lot with a very small role that nicely skewers storage unit flipping culture.

After a slightly dragging period in the first fifteen minutes, the pace is frenetic, as you want it to be in a movie like this. It is over 2 hours long but surprisingly I wasn’t checking my watch. There are some jokes aimed knowingly at parents, as is traditional in these movies.

It even seems to play pretty perfectly into Jack Black’s standard on-screen persona so well he isn’t even annoying.

On reflection, possibly not as bad as I expected it to be, and I was really grumpy going in. If your kids make you take them, it could be a lot worse. Mine absolutely loved it and, as avid Minecraft players, they lapped up every bit of lore and callback to the game.

I suppose I can grudgingly admit that the world-building is actually really quite cool, and clearly was done from a place of real affection for the game. Having seen my kids play it, I guess it was fun to see so many things brought to life. Special mention to the mumbling villagers.

Still, now it’s over and I can go home and start drinking heavily.