Title: The Royale
Airdate: 3/27/1989
Plot Summary
The Enterprise is notified by the Klingons that they have detected some spaceship debris at a previously unexplored planet. The mystery deepens when they beam some on board and the markings are a US flag and NASA, making this ship far older than possible for this distance. Scanning the planet, they find a structure on the surface in an oxygen/gravity oasis in a sea of raging storms and an ammonia atmosphere. Riker, Data, and Worf beam down to find a revolving door seemingly sitting by itself as the structure seems invisible. They enter and find themselves in a late 20th century motel and casino. The people in it appear to be oblivious to where they are and are simply acting out their parts in what seems to be a story.
After a little exploration of the Hotel Royale, they find a corpse lying in a bed in a hotel room, the only actual life form as none of the other people register as alive. It turns out to be an astronaut from the 2030’s, who’s ship was accidentally destroyed by an alien presence. The aliens apparently felt guilty about what happened, so they built this “hotel” based on a book that was on board the ship, The Royale. Unfortunately unknown to them, the book is trash and badly written, so the astronaut lived out his life in such badly written dimestore novel for the rest of his days. He wasn’t mad at the aliens, as he wrote in his last testament, but was in hell.
Riker, Worf, and Data, now having solved the mystery of why this is all here, find themselves trapped and unable to leave. They must figure out how to become part of the story so they can leave as the characters they become do.
Make It So
Picard’s main contribution is to read the book, a painful experience for a cultured man such as himself.
Number 1
Riker is amused at first by the whole thing, but is less amused when they try to leave and just end up right back in the hotel. He gets a little more amused again when he begins spreading around wealth from Data’s winnings and they finally leave the hotel.
Fully Functional
Data picks up craps a lot quicker than he does poker. He also can fix loaded dice just by squeezing them.
Today Is A Good Day To Die
Worf has the line of the show. When Riker observes that the Colonel Richey died in his sleep, Worf mutters “What a terrible way to die.”
Phase Inducers
Geordi figures out the comms issue.
Counselor Cleavage
Deanna is able keep tabs on Riker through their psychic link. She senses he’s amused but also gets worried and let’s Picard know when Riker realizes he can’t get out of the hotel.
Doctor Not Bones
Pulaski says that she can probably thaw out the away team if the Enterprise cuts through the building with their phasers and lets the atmosphere rush in. Riker gets motivated to find a different way. Besides, after Worf’s hand phaser did nothing to the walls, one wonders if the Enterprise could’ve damaged the building or not.
Shut Up, Wesley
Wesley helps Geordi work through the comms blackout.
Guinan?!
Nope.
Canon Maker
We see that NASA still existing in the 2030s and that the United States has 52 states. Not sure that last one is going to happen but Trump’s looking at you Canada and Greenland. This also still tracks with it still being 30 years before first contact.
Canon Breaker
Geordi mentions that the temperature is -291 degrees celsius. This would be -17.85 kelvin. This is impossible as 0 kelvin is the lowest possible temperature, the absolute removal of all heat. You can’t get lower.
One wonders if no one was alive in the hotel and it couldn’t get any supplies, how did Richey eat? Where did they get the material for him to ingest? Maybe some sort of replicator tech, but one wonders how given everything they see looks like 20th century technology.
This little story of the bellboy getting killed by Mickey D couldn’t have been the first time. Did it keep looping over and over again? And everyone else had a character, what happened to the foreign investors? Why didn’t they show up and how were Riker, Worf, and Data able to take their place?
Worf still doesn’t know how 20th century doors work, but seems to know 20th century phones.
Riker apparently was supposed to go right to the beam out site once comms were lost, but over and over we don’t see away teams following that procedure. Of course many times it’s impossible for one reason or another, but still.
A Little Bloody Nose
The bellboy dies. I think.
Technobabble
The planet’s atmosphere combined with the building itself scatters the communications for a bit until Geordi and Wesley can figure out a way to cut through it.
Please Repeat Your Communication
Baby needs a new pair of shoes. – Data getting into spirit of the moment.
Library Computer
Picard mentions Fermat’s last theorem had still not been solved well into the 24th century. It actually was solved in 1993 and officially recognized in 1995, only 6 years later. This really isn’t the writer’s fault though, who could’ve known in 1989?
I Know That Guy:
Sam Anderson is the Assistant Manager. He’s probably most known as the principle who banged Forrest Gump’s mom but he’s been in a ton of stuff. I’m sure you’ll name a few of your favorites in the comments.
Jill Jacobson is Vanessa, the woman Texas was trying to mac on. She did a lot of guest spots and bit parts in movies. She’ll be back in an episode of Deep Space Nine.
Leo Garcia plays the ill fated Bellboy. This was probably the biggest thing he did.
Gregory Beecroft swaggers as Mickey D. He mostly did a some soaps but really hasn’t done much since.
And finally the great Noble Willingham as Texas. Been in a ton of stuff when you need a good ol boy. I remember him best for City Slickers and Good Morning Vietnam. If there’s one character actor I would never associate with Star Trek, it would be him. Yet here we are.
What It Means To Be Human – Review
This is a silly episode that, as Riker puts it, doesn’t really make a lot of sense. What is keeping this hotel going on this hellscape of a planet? Where is the energy coming from? How often do the people go through the motions of the story? There are so many questions that it really falls apart if you put any thought into it.
And yet, I kinda love it. Sometimes you have to surrender to the absurdity of the situation and it’s a lot more fun if you do.
The mystery of why it exists and how it ties into to a centuries old NASA mission is intriguing. The humorous moments work, from Worf answering the phone, to Texas telling Data he’s ready to “get down to bidness”, to the noir/jazzy soundtrack that’s completely over the top, Picard having to read the novel that starts with “It was a dark and stormy night,” and finally the away team really getting into the spirit of being the foreign investors.
I also loved the visual of the ornate revolving door just there by itself, silently spinning away. It’s very surreal, it reminded me a bit of the sets of Spectre Of The Gun.
It’s a generally simple story, solve the mystery and escape. I liked that the aliens meant well for Colonel Richie and yet he was in hell. It’s an interesting idea.
If I had to pick at it more, it would’ve been better if somehow Richie was still alive and there was something keeping him there and alive. Maybe put in a bit more danger to the whole thing. On the other hand, the idea of finding the most elaborate gravesite ever created has its own compelling reveal as well.
I know it’s not one of the best episodes, and I know I’m probably alone on this one, but it’s my reviews. So there. Nyaa.
