It’s all very well and good being the civilisation that split the atom, invented the jet engine, put a man on the moon, broke the sound barrier, harnessed nuclear power, pioneered stem-cell treatments, or created the internal combustion engine, but if you don’t stay vigilant, then things start to slip. This accelerates, and then you start to see signs everywhere that even we might not make it. Signs like Love Island.
In case you are unfamiliar with it, Love Island is the vacuous pile of hoofwanking fuckery that dipshits and women go absolutely mental for. It is the answer to the eternal question of “Just how much dumb shit can we really make people with an IQ of a glass of room temperature water actually watch?”
If you are the kind of person who is a curious shade of orange, with a Live, Laugh, Love stencil on your living room wall, and you drive a white Mercedes A-Class on a punishing finance deal, then you are the target audience and no doubt a big fan.
For the sane among us, the show simply makes us long for a distraction from those Al-Qaeda / ISIS types who storm beaches from a speedboat with machine guns and kill everyone. It really is one of those things everyone wishes the Brits didn’t invent, like soccer hooligans and concentration camps.
Well, slip on that towelling leisurewear and get a fresh skin-fade. Tell your wife to pull an extra duck-faced selfie for the Facebook profile. Love Island is getting a movie adaptation.
It was recently exported from the UK to America to huge success, possibly as some kind of revenge for the Revolutionary War, or something. Playing the long game.
ITV America CEO David George revealed he has “had conversations about translating the dating show to the feature space”, clearly ignoring the fact that if we wanted to watch a group of dumb, unself-aware animals rutting while somebody points a camera at them, we could just switch on National Geographic.
He told Deadline:
“Why are we not taking Love Island and figuring out how we’re going to translate that into the movie world? There may be something going there. I can’t even begin to tell you what it is, but there are those types of conversations.”
With the Fast & Furious franchise coming to an end, there is obviously a gap in the market for something aimed at fucking morons called “Deano” and their wives who paint on new eyebrows.
