Well, I finally watched Mando and Grogu. There was no way in hell I was going to watch it in the cinema, well, unless I got free tickets. I want to say that it’s the first Star Wars I didn’t see in the cinema, and it was.
I’m not going to break down my history with Star Wars again; in a nutshell: I love the OT, I don’t mind the PT, although they are bad movies, and I hate the ST, they are beyond bad. I liked Mando seasons 1 and 2, but everything else is dull to me, even Andor.
I will be breaking the movie down, including spoilers. Like me, you probably had it spoiled already, but just be warned.
There’s no point in listing the cast; you know the details. Here we go.
The Story
I’m not even going to look up the official synopsis; it’s basically an episode of the series. Mando is hunting down Imperials to bring them to justice; that’s it.
We meet an Imp who’s oppressing some of the local governors. Mando turns up and starts killing everyone. The Imp gets away, but the governors give him up, so Mando gives chase. How? On a smaller AT-ST.
Now, Mando has a jetpack, which can fly from A to B in a very short time. Why the walker? Coz it looks cool and makes for a cool sequence. Don’t think, just consume.
Mando ends up inside an AT-AT and kills everyone without breaking a sweat. It was very much like a Kung Fu fight, where everyone is in the right place, at the right time, and it’s all well rehearsed. In fact, I don’t think Mando takes a single laser blast in the entire movie.
Grogu is also there.
The Imp is getting away, but Mando shoots him down, while there is a timer on explosives in the AT-AT. Why a timer? To make the movie happen.
Weather’s Gone
Mando and the puppet head back to a Rebel base and meet a white female Carl Weathers. Sadly, Weathers is no longer with us, so we get Sigourney Weaver instead; she hands out bounties.
She’s annoyed the Imp is dead but has a new assignment. Go to some Twin Hutts, get the location of their nephew, Rotta, and then they will give over the name of another Imp.
Mando and Kermit’s nephew head to the Hutts and are told about Rotta. He’s in gladiator school and about to win his freedom, but the Hutts want him back with them.
Rotta the Hutt is Jabba’s son; this is a fact that is mentioned over 50 times.
The guys meet up with Rotta, who’s basically in jail. He explains that he’s Jabba’s son, and one more fight and his rich and free. He doesn’t want to be rescued; he’s happy to stay.
Mando heads to the guy who runs the gladiator school, Lord Janu. He doesn’t want to release Rotta from his contract and tells Mando that he’s going to kill him in his next fight. I loved how he said “only a select few know” about the fix, but it seems Janu just goes around telling everyone.
So, Mando and green jelly mould go to break Rotta out. How? Grogu jumps in a window and opens a door; that’s it, that’s all done. Rotta grassed them up, and Mando ends up in the gladiator ring.
He’s supposed to kill Rotta, but doesn’t want to; for an example, see the same scene from Thor: Ragnarök, with Hulk and Thor.
This entire scene is for some cool action, which is all to make Mando and Rotta best friends.
‘Memberberries
The other thing about this scene is the ‘memberberries. At least two of the creatures that try to kill the guys are the same ones from the holo-chess that R2 and Chewie played in Star Wars. I ‘member!
Both Mando and Rotta have bladed weapons, but not a single drop of blood is spilt. Odd that. Also, I loved how the ‘electric monster’ is killed by electricity.
All of the creatures in the ring break out and get into the streets. A ‘mother and baby’ escape by the mother taking the baby out of a pram. Why do I mention this?
Rotta steals a ‘car’ and drives off. Grogu jumps in the pram and gives chase. What made me laugh is the ‘baby’s pram’ is capable of speeds of up to 60mph. I guess all baby’s prams are capable of that.
Anyway, they catch Rotta, who says that Janu is also the Imp they are after. They team up, capture the Imp, and head back to the base for a quick drink.
And that’s it, that’s the story over and done with. The second half of the movie is filler.
Season 4 Episode 2
Rotta and Mando head back to Mando and Grogu’s house, and that’s about it. Well, the Hutts aren’t happy, so they hire Embo to hunt down and bring back Mando, Rotta and the inflatable green condom.
The Babu Frik aliens turn up because Grogu’s cuteness is wearing a little thin.
Tracking them down is one tough job, as the universe is huge. Actually, it’s super easy, barely an inconvenience. Embo catches Mando and Rotta and heads back to the Hutts. Gorgu goes all commando and kits himself out, so he can follow Embo (in Babu Frik’s ship) and save the day.
The movie has been on for almost an hour, and we haven’t seen Pedro Pascal’s face, but it’s OK; the Hutts remove his helmet and then drop him into the Rancor pit.
This is a magic pit, as the floor is incredibly uneven, but seems to be OK when needed. Also, the Hutts give him back his helmet; why? I guess, as Pascal didn’t want to shoot the rest of the movie.
Mando is fine; Grogu saves him, and they head back to the ship. Sadly, it’s only built for Babbu Frik’s, so Mando has to stay. He ‘somehow’ gets stung by some creature, so Grogu stays with him. The Babu Friks head off to get help.
Turn the cute up to 11
I kid you not, there are now about 40 minutes of filler. It’s about Grogu looking after an unconscious Mando. It’s all sweet and cute and makes a grown man want to reach for a bucket. He covers him with leaves, keeps creepy-crawlies off him, and even builds him a little house.
I have a good female friend, Sarah, who loves Grogu and thinks he’s really cute! Sarah, you’re the problem. Know that I still love you, but the cuteness thing is bad.
Seriously, if Grogu didn’t do something cute every 5 minutes in the movie, I think the world would stop spinning.
Anyways, white female Carl Weathers turns up, saves the day in a very predictable ending.
That’s it, that’s the end of the movie.
The Simpsons Movie
You know how The Simpsons Movie knew exactly what it was? A longer episode and trying to get bums in seats. Mando is the same thing, but it’s trying to sell itself as a ‘cinema experience’. It isn’t.
It’s as good as some of the episodes. The only good thing about the episodes is they are an hour and don’t outstay their welcome. This movie does. It’s a perfect good episode, but that’s it; the second half is a filler episode with very little happening.
Overall
Don’t get me wrong, Favreau is a great director. I saw Iron Man 2 again the other day, and it’s a solid movie; well told, funny, good action, and he gets the best from RDJ.
Mando and Grogu is a perfectly well-directed movie, but it’s nothing amazing. The visuals are good; in that ‘far too clean to be real’ way, but good.
I found the action annoying in places. At least twice, Mando just waltzes into a place and shoots people, sometimes without even looking. It was laughable in places.
Mando’s jetpack seems to be in the movie when needed, but then completely removed when not.
The rest of it is all Grogu being cute. I had to laugh that they made a big deal about the puppet being a puppet, but all of Rotta, the Hutts and most of the other creatures are all CG. The arena fight was as fake as all the breasts in Hollywood.
Also, I have to say it, but a Hutt talking English is all wrong. Did you know that Rotta is Jabba’s son? It was only mentioned by Rotta every 4 seconds.
Mando and Grogu is a movie that I have now seen. I can’t see myself watching it again, though. It ranks somewhere in the middle of Star Wars movies. I’m giving it a generous 2 out of 5 stars, same as Hawk gave it.
The best thing about the entire movie is that it was up against some ‘crappy indie movie’, which then buried it at the box office! Mando and Grogu made lesss that Solo. Star Wars is deader than John McClain in Harlem with that billboard he was wearing.
