As the winds of winter give way to spring showers, your minds are no doubt turning towards summer. As we know, summer is the time of sin simply because the warm weather drives you all mad, and you become like animals. All of you. It is, therefore, fortunate that you belong to the Church of LMO, and the Last Movie Outpost Confession Booth is once again open to allow you to cleanse your movie-going souls. After all, some of you watched Samurai Cop last week, didn’t you? You disgust me.
It is lucky for you that I, the most reverend Reverend, hath returned from important overseas missionary work where I have been supplying classified Chinese satellite targeting information to the Iranians for a fat fee feeding the poor, desperate and misplaced from another war in the Holy Land.
Your souls grow heavy, swollen with the unspeakable filth of your sins, so once again you must cleanse them in the presence of the Goddess Gal Gadot, perhaps while sitting in some kind of chair in the corner. Hark, for the Goddess doth approacheth, and she has forgotten her pants.
For some, life grows short. The final moment approacheth when we shall meet our makers in the afterlife. When this happens, and life plays out its highlight reel before you shuffle off this plane of existence surrounded by your loving family, or by Boba Phil asking if he can have your collectibles, what will be your biggest movie-going regret?
What single movie will you reflect on and, as the light dims behind your eyes, think “Well, that’s two hours of my fucking life I am not getting back!”
This week’s confession:
Which movie do you regret spending some of your valuable time on this planet watching?
The hour grows late. The day grows long. Your soul must be unburdened. You must confess. CONFESS!
