I had Iron Lung on my radar for a while, and it was finally on streaming. Well, you can rent it on YouTube.
I have to start with a few details. Firstly, I had no idea about the game, Iron Lung, or the creator, Mark Fischbach, otherwise known as Markiplier. I was going to look him up for this review, but I didn’t. I will explain why later.
The second thing I have to mention is ‘movie snobbery’. Yes, I review movies, but I’m no professional. I haven’t studied movies, never taken a film class, in fact, I never went to college or university. Shocker, I know.
Now and then, I do get a little snobby about movies. If someone bangs on about how pretentious Kubrick is, I do get on my high horse a little and try to explain his genius. However, that’s about it. I don’t bang on about people not knowing that they don’t know Star Wars was a remake.
I also don’t look for the deeper ‘meaning’ in movies like Fast & Furious. It’s a stupid action flick, and entertaining, that’s it. I’m not like Mark Kermode, who’s got his head so far up his ass, he’s wearing himself as a hat. He talks utter pretentious bollocks.
I mention this as my review of Iron Lung will sound pretentious, but it’s not. Honestly, I’m one of you guys, down to earth, I put on my Mando styled trousers I shilled from Disney, one leg at a time.
Iron Lung basically stars Fischbach, and that’s pretty much it. There are some voice actors, but his character is the main focus.
The Story
As I said, I have no idea about the game, but the story for the movie is:
In a post-apocalyptic future after “The Quiet Rapture” event, a convict explores a blood ocean on a desolate moon using a submarine called the “Iron Lung” to search for missing stars/planets.
Sadly, I cannot add any more to the story, as I found it didn’t really have one. Fans of the game probably soaked up the lore movie explored, but honestly, I had no idea what was happening.
This was a good reason, sadly, I tuned out of the movie in the first 3 minutes.
Art for Arts Sake
That’s the saying on the logo of MGM. #TheMoreYouKnow
Some creative people are creative. Speilberg, in his early days, made movies that made us laugh, cry, thrill and kept us out of the sea for many years. I know I’ve ragged on him in later years, but the man knows how to make a movie.
Another recent example of a creative whose done will is Kane Parsons, with his movie Backrooms. It’s been a few days now, and I’m still mulling the movie over in my head. Is it a little pretentious? Yes, but in a good way. The thing is, I’m no ‘expert’ in movies, but I know that Parsons is a good movie maker.
Fischbach is not a good movie maker. In fact, in the first 3 minutes, I could tell this man doesn’t have a creative bone in his body. Without sounding snobby, Iron Lung was so overly stylised that it was trying too hard to be cool.
Style Over Substance
In the opening 3 minutes of Iron Lung, there are about 40 ‘artsy’ shots. Close-ups, strong DoF, all the wrong camera angles. To me, this was like it was trying to be artsy, but trying way too hard.
After just a few minutes, I was bored with the cinematography. Reading some reviews, people raved about it, but this is why I feel like I’m being snobby. I’m not a fan of modern art; a pile of bricks is not art.
However, there are ‘critics’ out there who think, while looking at a pile of bricks, ‘that one mustn’t overlook the raw, existential genius of this brick pile—its defiant refusal to ascend into bourgeois ‘architecture’ is a searing critique of late-capitalist verticality, where each humble rectangle pulses with the quiet fury of forgotten labourers and the sublime poetry of entropy itself’. #ThankYouGrok
No, mate, it’s a pile of bricks. If you’re right, every building merchant in the world would be full of ‘artists’.
I can see why some people look at this movie and ‘respect’ the cinematography. However, I just saw it as ‘a pile of bricks’. It’s like a girl who takes a black and white photo of a lawn chair, then calls it ‘Rain is coming’, and posts it on Instagram.
It’s shite! It doesn’t mean anything, you’re not an artist, everyone likes you coz you post selfies with your cleavage.
Fischbach
I think this is what Iron Lung is. I have no idea if the style of the camerawork is the same as the game, and I have no desire to find out. By all accounts, Fischbach has respected the game, the lore, and the fans. Fair play to him.
Having no knowledge of any of this, all I saw was a massively overly styled movie, with a terrible main actor (Fischbach himself), trapped in a tube, where nothing happens for a good 80% of the movie.
I’ve touched on his ‘direction’, which is just pretentious, but his acting is even worse. There are people who can carry a movie, almost by themselves, in this style. Sandra Bullock in Gravity, Will Smith in I Am Legend, James Franco in 127 Hours, Sam Rockwell in Moon etc.
The thing with all of them is that they are good actors and have fantastic directors. Because Fischbach was focusing so much on the artsy shots in the movie, he didn’t focus on himself or expanding the story.
What’s left, in Iron Lung, is a terribly boring movie, with a ‘man in a tube’ (I can’t bring myself to say actor), and a story that goes nowhere.
I rarely turn movies off, but I was very tempted by Iron Lung. There was nothing of interest to me in any way, shape or form. I spent the last 1 hour and 40 minutes of the movie on and off my phone. I did get a new mouse mat from Vinted, though, so it wasn’t all bad.
Overall
As you can tell, I didn’t like Iron Lung; in fact, I’m tempted to use the word hated. Fischbach made a movie for fans of the game, but you can do that, and still appeal to the wider audience, if you have any skill or talent in movie-making.
You can stream a game you’re playing, making amusing comments (like millions of others do), but that doesn’t mean you should make a movie. He’s got over 38 million subscribers on YouTube, and, for the life of me, I have no idea how.
Fine, most YouTube viewers would be entertained by a balloon on a stick, so being popular over there is like being picked out as the village idiot. Sure, you’re popular, but people are not laughing with you.
Iron Lung cost about $3 million to make, which is impressive. I’m guessing that Fischbach funded most of it himself (again, I don’t care to look it up), hence why he cast himself. Any other director in the world would have cast an actual actor.
As I have said, fair play to him for trying, but just coz you can, doesn’t mean you should. See all of Ed Wood’s movies.
The new creatives from YouTube are doing well; Backrooms is proof. However, movies like Iron Lung are not good movies, but I see why people think it’s a good movie.
I’m not a snobby movie critic, but I can tell a good movie from a bad one. Iron Lung is a bad one. No stars.
Iron Lung is on YouTube, but you have to pay for it. I wouldn’t.
