Earth Vs. The Spider (2001) is similar to Brightburn (2019). Both films reimagine a well-known superhero origin story as a horror story.
Brightburn asks, what if Clark Kent was psychotic? Earth Vs. The Spider asks, what if Peter Parker was more spider than man?
Earth Vs. The Spider was part of a film series created by Cinemax in the early 2000s that reimagined classic creature features (see Hawkzino’s review of the original). The series is notable for having Stan Winston as a producer, which meant they all made use of Winston’s expertise with makeup effects.
Oddly enough, Colleen Camp was also one of the producers. That credit is unexpected. It would be interesting to learn how Camp got involved with remaking creature features on Cinemax.
The co-founder of American International Pictures (AIP), Samuel Arkoff, is another producer. AIP released the original Earth Vs. The Spider. Arkoff is known for creating the beach-party and outlaw-biker genres. His films had a formula based on an acronym of his last name: Action, Revolution, Killing, Oratory, Fantasy and Fornication.
Today’s formula is Female, Awake, Gay, Gayer, Over-budget and Trite.
We also need to get one more bit of trivia out of the way that may freak some of you out. It certainly freaked me out.
Pedro Pascal is in this movie. There is no escaping him at this point. Pedro Pascal is all…
Earth Vs. The Spider
Scott Ziehl directed Earth Vs. The Spider. Ziehl is most notable for Road House 2. As for his effectiveness on Earth Vs. The Spider, he is achieves adequacy. Ziehl deals with purely genre entertainment here. Ideally, one would like to see him elevate it somehow, but that is not required.
Ziehl brings some style to the proceedings. The film starts off bright and comic book-like and grows darker as the story moves fully into horror. He also cuts in panels of a fictional comic book called The Arachnid Avenger, which is a fun wrinkle.
The story is by Mark McCreery, Cary Solomon and Chuck Konzelman. McCreery is a special-effects guy who worked on Shyamalan films and the Jurassic World films. Solomon wrote God’s Not Dead. Konzelman is another guy involved with Christian movies like Nefarious.
That is a strange writing trio. They start the story off fine, putting a twist on the common Spider-Man tropes. Then things go awry. We will talk more about that later.
The music is also worth mentioning. David Reynolds (Wanted) did the score. He composed several bits of campy superhero music that help sell what works onscreen.
Destination Earth Vs. The Spider
Dan Ackroyd gets top billing. He plays a police detective investigating the proceedings. Ackroyd is in drama mode here. No comedy stylings whatsoever. He doesn’t put in a performance that will net him any nominations, however. He mostly simply tries not to screw up. Beyond Ackroyd, the main players are not very recognizable, but a few familiar faces appear.
Devon Gummersall is the Peter Parker character. Gummersall was part of the cast of My So-Called Life. He also showed up in Mad Men and The Pitt. In all honesty, Gummersall does not bring much to the film. On the other hand, the script doesn’t offer him much to serve. Maybe Justin Long could spin the part into something fun, but Gummersall does not have those chops. He mostly mopes around his lines. Whatever excitement he generates probably stems from him getting his possible big break here.
Spoiler: it was not his big break…
Amelia Heinle plays the love interest. Heinle could be Denise Richards’ little sister. They look quite similar. Like Gummersall, Heinle does not have much to work with, although she does deliver a line that feminists would frown upon today. She admits she is not “strong enough” as a woman to fight off a male attacker.
Heinle survived Earth Vs. The Spider just fine, however. She has been on The Young and the Restless for going on twenty years now.
As for the familiar faces that pop up, John Cho is a comic book-store owner. Meanwhile, Christopher Cousins plays a policeman. It took me a while to recognize Cousins. I knew I knew him from somewhere, and it finally hit me. He was Ted in Breaking Bad.
Pascal plays a goth guy for about five seconds.
Earth Vs. Kiss Of The Spider Woman
McCreery, Solomon and Konzelman craft a story that works pretty well initially. The characters are introduced. We identify the Spider-Man parallels easily. Gummersall’s budding powers are intriguing enough to keep us watching.
And then things fall apart. It is pretty clear that McCreery, Solomon and Konzelman are following the blueprint laid down by Cronenberg with his version of The Fly. Gummersall’s transformation follows a similar path, and the triangle of Gummersall, Heinle and Ackroyd mirror the triangle of Goldblum, Davis and Getz.
The problem is they don’t realize why The Fly works and why Earth Vs. The Spider does not.
About two-thirds of the way through the story, McCreery, Solomon and Kozelman abandon the Gummersall/Heinle dynamic completely, and the movie becomes the Ackroyd show. This is untenable. Gummersall and Heinle are the story. Ackroyd needs to orbit them, not take the movie over. The audience has no attachment to him.
A similar choice happens in The Fly, but it works because Cronenberg knows what he is doing, either consciously or instinctively. Goldblum is also cast somewhat aside toward the final act of The Fly as Getz becomes more of an active player. The reason it works is because Davis is a part of Goldblum and Getz’s stories. The viewer is always emotionally involved because Davis is the bridge between the characters. She is so connected to Goldblum’s narrative that no matter where she goes in the final act, Goldblum is there with her, even if he isn’t onscreen.
In Earth Vs. The Spider, there is zero connection between Ackroyd and the Gummersall/Heinle pair. Once the movie focuses on Ackroyd and abandons its core, the film dies on the vine.
Or…on the web, if you prefer.
Earth Vs. The Spiderwick Chronicles
Earth Vs. The Spider has some things to like. It starts out as a refreshing, campy twist on the superhero genre. One can enjoy the fact it knows it’s silly. One thing that I don’t like about modern superheroes is how serious they take themselves.
They don’t need to be Batman: The TV series, but a quote from Amadeus comes to mind at this point. Modern superhero films are “so lofty they sound as if they s#@t marble.”
In this regard, Earth Vs. The Spider seems fresh initially, a bit of a course correction to what comic book films have become. It shows glints of cheekiness and some subversion. Alas, it can’t close the deal due to the flawed script.
Even the makeup effects get shortchanged, which is disappointing considering they are Stan Winston creations. Gummersall’s final transformation is barely seen.
In the end, nobody wins this match-up. It’s a draw right down the middle…
