When I get an email for a movie called Hot Spring Shark Attack, I smile. You know exactly what you’re getting: a shark movie, with lots of blood. I’m not expecting Jaws, or even Sharknado, I just want some fun.
Hot Springs Shark Attack stars Daniel Aguilar, Shôichirô Akaboshi, Takuya Fujimura, Kiyobumi Kaneko, Koichi Makigami, and Masaki Naito. Morihito Inoue is the writer and director. You’re going to have to forgive me for the names of the characters, I couldn’t remember them.
The Story
Much like the title, there are sharks that attack in a hot spring:
There have been cases of mysterious disappearances of onsen visitors in Atsumi city in. The victims were eventually found dead with signs of severe injuries to their bodies resembling a vicious shark attack.
We open with a rich kid and his girlfriend on his boat. She falls in, and we see a shark fin in the water. The girl disappears under the waves, and the guy freaks out and calls the coast guard.
She turns up, all wet and kicks him in the head, which is richly deserved. Then a hammerhead shark lands on the boat, followed by Macho, a muscle-bound hero type, who killed the shark. I found myself giggling a lot through this opening.
The city of Atsumi is building a new spa, but the problem is that people keep getting killed there and washing up on the beach. Usually, with what look like shark bites. It turns out the shark can slim itself down and squeeze through the pipes. How? Don’t know, this isn’t the biggest question you will ask.
Jaws?
The building of the new spa means it has to open. Of course, the dead bodies are a bit of a downer, so they have to find and kill the shark. There is a reward for the capture, which seems very familiar to me.
Shark hunting vloggers turn up, and guess what? They all get eaten. Best thing to happen to influencers if you ask me.
Things really take a different turn from Jaws when hot springs pop up everywhere in the city and sharks pop up, eat people, and disappear down the hot springs, which promptly disappear as well. How does this happen? Don’t know.
There are moments when a shark can swim through concrete. To be honest, at this point, I was happy to enjoy the ride; there was no point in questioning silly things like logic and physics.
They build a super submarine to attack the sharks, but the sharks disable the sub. How? Actually, they do answer this in the movie, and it is stupidly funny. It’s OK, though, they built a shark-proof sub, which would have made Adam West’s Batman proud.
I won’t spoil the ending, but it does get sillier and sillier. By this time, I was enjoying the ludicrous story everyone was on, but I found myself rooting for them against the sharks. It does turn out that there is more than one shark; there are hundreds. How? Don’t know.
The Cast
I’m not sure who the cast was; they were names that were not familiar to me. I really like the police chief, he was very funny and handled the entire encounter with a cool, calm and collected aura.
At one point, he gets bitten by a shark, is infected, and turns purple. Why? Don’t know. I loved how this happened to him, and his wife knew that he had an infection and needed a shark fin to get him better. She wasn’t the wife, more like the narrator.
Macho was a funny turn; he would turn up, punch a shark, flex his muscles, and then disappear again. For some reason, he can breathe underwater.
Overall
Hot Spring Shark Attack is exactly what you would expect: silly fun. If Jaws is the Jaws of shark movies, this is the Plan 9 from Outer Space. I love Plan 9, I mean, I feel bad for laughing at it, but you cannot help it. Ed Wood had a lot of passion, but zero talent.
Inoue, the director of Hot Spring Shark Attack, does have some talent, though. Is the story ridiculous? Yes, but did I have fun? Also yes. Again, I was laughing at the movie, more than with it, but it was entertaining.
The CG is terrible, but this adds to the charm, in the same respect that the alien spaceship in Plan 9 has wooden tables. The dodgy shark effects had me giggling away.
I know you lot are going to ask. Sadly, there is no nudity in the movie.
Hot Springs Shark Attack is the kind of movie you would have a few beers with friends and have a laugh at. The downside is it’s all in Japanese, so you have to read the subtitles.
Ultimately, I had a lot of fun with Hot Springs Shark Attack. I wasn’t expecting Jaws, and this movie isn’t Jaws. Hot Springs Shark Attack is an indie comedy, and if you go in with the right attitude, you’ll have fun. I was in that mode for this and liked the story.
Hot Springs Shark Attack is on limited release in cinemas; you can see the list here. It will be on VoD and streaming on the 11th of July.
