Outposters, it has been a while. The Church of Last Movie Outpost has been quiet lately. The flock has deserted us for something called the World Cup.
Not to feel left out, I, too, have been attending to the needs of the celebrants of what the rest of the world calls “football”. I have been busy acting as spiritual advisor to President Trump in the matter of red card etiquette providing a counselling service to fans who are bereft that their team has lost, and feeling spiritually lost.
In my absence, the stench of sin has started to pervade the Outpost once more.
Without the moral guidance of me, the most reverend Reverend, it is like you have all turned into some kind of feral, sinful animals. Look at it, it’s like Minneapolis in here! You’d better be ready to confess!
The day grows hotter. The air becomes heavier. Your pants get tighter, for hark, she doth aproach… eth! The Goddess Gal Gadot is here to receive your unburdening as surely as an Egyptian footballer receives a dubious refereeing decision against him. She is ready.
Today’s confession requires me to go back to a simpler time. A time before I experienced the power of the calling from the Goddess Gal Gadot. When I was just a young, naive boy with a head full of dreams and a pocket full of change that was just enough to start building my own movie collection. Back then, it was on VHS. Lovely thick plastic cases, colorful covers. As my VHS collection started to build on a shelf in my bedroom, I noticed something.
The spine of the cases of all of my favorite movies featured the same thing. Cobra, Lethal Weapon, Batman ’89, the Dirty Harry movies. Whatever I coveted, all displayed a symbol…
So, at that time, to a younger version of me just starting out on my movie-geek journey, and with no real knowledge of the studio system or Hollywood at all, it became a symbol. A marque that was synonymous with giving me exactly what I wanted. The sign of Warner Bros. Of course, these days it is sadly no longer true. So what about you?
Was it a star? A studio? A genre? Did you actively seek out Cannon movies, knowing that, even if bad, they were going to be a good time? Did you always place your trust in anything starring Eastwood, or Redford?
What was your symbol of cinematic quality, that would make you reach out for the movie?
Your soul grows heavy with sin. It is too much for mortal man to bear. You must release, possibly in some kind of spurts. You must confess. CONFESS!
